If for Once I had Listened
by HumanTroll
Summary: Sometimes the worst pain is knowing that someone will never listen to you.


**Emptiness, Silence, Touch, I'm here, I'll never leave, Powerless, Drive, Shadows, All I ask, Alcohol, Coma, Reach, Isolation, Crash, Grave. These are keywords that drove this story's plot, look for them. If you read my stories, you know how this works. If you don't, then let me tell you; I write short, choppy sentences with some to no details. My stories are supposed to give you the faintest ideas as to what is happening, hints if you will, and you're supposed to let your imagination take you the rest of the way. I never thought I'd have to say this to my readers but after some rude reviews I received, I felt I needed to. The grammar is a mess and the words run together, it's like a thought process. My stories are about the emotions, not anything else. The writing style I have personally developed is about causing you to feel what they feel through a process of short, open statements that take you into the story as if they were your own without having to take the story into a second person POV. I'm sorry if you don't like the way I write, I don't conform to your needs.**

I groaned as I strained my eyes to open, only to quickly shut them again at the blinding white light. My head pounded heavily as I reached to massage my temples. Eventually I opened my eyes, the bright white light burning them. I blinked several times before they finally adjusted. Had my brain not been thrumming, I would have registered the thought that came across it. 'Where am I?' The thought never processed though as I sat up and looked around. With my head pounding, I couldn't remember where I was or how I got there, but from the looks of it, it looked like a hospital room. The Emptiness and Silence of the room chilled me to the bone and seemed to bring a little clarity to my mind.

It was then that I saw Kanaya enter the room. I perked up a bit glad to see she was checking on me. She'd likely say, "I told you so," but right now I just needed my girlfriends touch. Her face was grave as I stood to greet her, my hand reaching for hers. As my hand was about to touch hers, it suddenly phased right through and as Kanaya continued to walk towards the bed, she too phased through me. She turned to look at me with a strange look on her face before looking back down at the bed. Suddenly her sombre face made sense as I looked at my own face, lying motionless in the hospital bed.

Kanaya took a seat at the bedside taking the hand of the duplicate. 'What was going on?' The shock of this situation had cleared whatever blurriness was in my mind before, but it did not open my memories to me. I tried to touch Kanaya shoulder only to have it phase through again, what was going on?

Kanaya finally spoke up, "Rose, can you hear me sweetheart?" She sighed before continuing, "Of course you can't, that was a silly question. Even if you can't hear me though, I hope you know that I'm here. I'm here and I'm not leaving until you come out of this."

I also finally found my voice, "Kanaya, what are you talking about, I'm right here. What's going on?" My voice re echoed itself to me and the hollow emptiness of it scared me.

"I really wished you had listened to me," She continued, like my words never reached her. "Now we're all here terribly worried about you. Dave, Roxy, Jade, and myself, of course. All I had asked was for you to let one of us drive you home from the bar. You had so much to drink. All that alcohol..." Her voice sounded sad, and it broke my heart to hear it. She gently pushed my bangs from my face as she continued, "If you had just let me drive you home, if you had just listened to me.. You wouldn't have crashed, you wouldn't be here." I could see the tears gently falling from her face and it killed me inside to watch her cry, knowing I was powerless to stop them. Seeing her hurt like this, it felt like the darkness of the corners of the room were closing in on me. She spoke again, "You wouldn't be in this coma if you'd just listen to me for 5 minutes, Rose."

Her words crashed into me, sending my head spinning. I felt the isolation of her words sink into me as I felt myself shake, would I shake if this wasn't my body? The room got darker, or was I just dizzy? The room swayed and shook and in moments I was consumed by darkness.

I don't know how long I'd floated in the dark expanse of my mind but slowly my eyes blinked open to the bright light around me. It was the hospital again, but it wasn't my room anymore. I was in some sort of hallway and I saw three forms leaning on each other. Two were silent, just gentle breathing but one gave way to what was happening as they snored loudly. The three people huddled together had obviously fall asleep there. I cautiously approached closer to the sleeping forms and soon their appearances registered in my mind. It was Roxy, Dave, and Jade.

The three of them looked worse for wear as from what I could see their eyes were somewhat puffy. Had they been crying? I looked at the empty seat beside Jade, that must have no doubt been Kanaya's seat… and she was likely in my room with me. For a moment I silently wondered what would make them all so sad to cry, but then I remembered Kanaya's words. I sighed, "If for once I had listened to you, any of you, you all wouldn't have to be this worried."

It was then I saw a figure in the darkness, watching me. Once again I was cautious as I approached. This time it was a young girl, She couldn't have been more than 5 years old. She smiled brightly at me when I finally got close enough, "Hi Rose!"

I looked at her quizzically, "Do I know you?"

She giggled, "Of course you don't silly, but I know you! Will you take a walk with me?"

I looked at her suspiciously before slowly nodding, what harm could this small child do? She smiled brightly before walking down the hall. I followed closely behind but it seemed the farther I followed her the darker it got. "Where are we going?"

"Rose, what happens when you die," She clearly hadn't heard my question or she chose to ignore it.

My eyebrows knit together, "I don't know, no one knows."

Her voice grew a bit colder now, "You're about to know."

I stopped in my tracks staring at her back. "Wait, what," I stuttered out.

She turned to me again, her expression pitiful, "Rose, what did you expect when you climbed into a car to drive home being drunkest you ever been in your life?" I stared at her silently and she took this as cue to continue, "Rose you had a chance to not get into that car, you had a chance to continue on living your life. You made the wrong choice, now I'm here, and that means you're going to die."

I was in such shock, "Who are you," Was the only thing I could manage.

She giggled once again, "I'm death silly."

I quirked my eyebrow, "But you're just a little girl."

Her cheer dimmed yet again, "I come in all sorts of forms, I come to people as someone who they will trust and listen to." She reached her hand out to mine and gently touched it, not fading through me. "Rose, you are going to die today. You get to make one finally choice, will you move on and go to rest, easing your loved ones pain or will you struggle to stay alive though the fate is inevitable?"

I looked at her, almost giving into her. "I can't, I don't think I can do that to Kanaya."

She sighed, she seemed to be getting frustrated with me. "Rose you didn't listen to them when you were alive, can you just once listen to me? You may not know me from Adam but like everyone else who's tried to talk sense into you, I know what I'm talking about."

I looked her and looked back, I could barely make out the outline of my friends huddled together, still sleeping. I turned my attention back to her, oh Kanaya, if for once I had listened to you.

I had somehow fallen asleep while holding Rose's hand and when I finally woke I went to turn off the alarm clock that had started to drone. Wait… Drone? My head snapped up just as doctors and nurses came rushing in. They quickly pushed me away, shouting things at each other. I tried to get through, to see what was happening, to see Rose. However, the swarm of medical professionals kept me back.

After minutes of struggle and a continued drone of the heart monitor, they called it. I let out a shaken sob, just as the others were allowed in. How could I be so powerless to stop this? It wasn't until the commotion died down that I thought I heard it, the faint sound of her voice calling my name. I looked around, the others had gone to take Roxy outside, as she was causing quite the scene. It was then I saw her, like a faint image in the background of white.

She smiled at me and slowly approached, "It's okay Kanaya, I'm here." She stretched up to place a kiss on my forehead but I couldn't feel the touch. I felt tears trickling down my face once more as she placed her hand on my cheek, feeling nothing but emptiness. "I'm not gone, I'll never leave. After all, I was never good at listening."


End file.
